I beat my performance improvement plan!

I had to laugh. I have had Can-I-Have-A-Latte-Sir check my hours, all my check ins and my dates for delivery like a friggin' hawk. So its my fault for asking Constantine why I did not get the promo that I had been promised, but the medicine that Can-I-Have-A-Latte-Sir punished me with was a like, dude this totally sucks I'd rather drink eggnog.

So I had my follow up with Old-Dude-In-HR-That's-Cool and he basically said that if this was a cop show on TV I would have beaten this rap before the first commercial. He did not sign off on it, but Henry said that Can-I-Have-A-Latte-Sir gets what he wants, he's mega key to the success of the organization.

So what the hell, he lost and I won. We had our regular 1:1 where he basically said "I knew you could do it, I have the faith". Bullshit. He just didn't like the fact that I stood up to him and escalated when I saw I was being screwed. He did not like that fact that I beat his rap. He did not like the fact that despite his best attempt I rose above it all and won!

So the work? Its kind of crap right now. We are in the death march that Mega Enterprise has become. We are grinding out a result just like the Yankees, not fun to watch but the result will be another world series.

Henry seems pretty joyless at the moment. Stacy said something about another assistant being let go, I'm thinking that was probably the leggy blond this time. I asked him "How's it going" in the elevator. He told me to "Go fuck your pimply self". Sure I could do with more Clearsil, but dude don't make it personal, I can't help my zits.

This weeks food and drink
Beer : 0 (no more official drinking!))
Shots : 18 (celebrating beating my performance improvement plan)
Dinner : 0 nights (no more dinners!)
Weight : 187 lbs

Glasnost!

Wow, Henry was not joking when he said that he was going to be more open and transparent, we have our own version of Glasnost breaking out! Instead of Ronald Reagan, Star Wars and Gorbachev we have Bruce and a whole bunch of powerpoint graphs. They were awesome!

I had hung out near the back, its always easier to sneak away if the speaker is really boring (which is normal). Its better than falling asleep in the front row like that Indian dude keeps on doing, that really make Henry mad. Most of the data presented was in 12 pitch font so tough to read, but here's what I gathered

• We have lots of bar and pie charts in an amazing array of colors
• Our Graphic Design team can do some sweet animations in powerpoint
• All the graphs are up and to the right

I don't know what this really means. Each time Bruce got into the weeds of what the data meant, Henry would jump is an give a super high level explanation why this was important and push aside the ridiculous questions people were asking, like "When we will be profitable". I mean, we are going to be profitable when Henry says we will be and that should be good enough for everybody! It sure is good enough for me.

At the end, Franks-Mom stood up and said that is was amazing that Henry has started to share this information with the team and started a round of applause that was joined by maybe seven people, but I totally understood the sentiment.

This weeks food and drink
Beer : 0 (no more official drinking!))
Shots : 6 (I don't give a crap, so I drink at my desk)
Dinner : 0 nights (no more dinners!)
Weight : 186 lbs

My date sucked!

So I had my date with Geek-Babe. Ok, it turns out that it was not a date, I had thought it was a date, she did not. We saw District 9, which was a total popcorn movie, but despite the mega budget and effects I preferred the original Alive in Joburg. I think that's where things started to go wrong. We had a cocktail after (me a Cosmos, her a Mojito) and then I asked "that" question. Needless to say that I was told to "go f**k myself". So I went home and did just that.

Not much else has been going on, we are trying to grind out a result on Mega Enterprise, the QA burn down is as long as ever but everybody thinks the Applications QA lead is "doing great". Henry promised that with the new CFO in place he was starting a new phase of being open and transparent. He said that he was start sharing information "soon" and that H-Staff had been letting him down. He had asked and asked for regular meetings and updates, but everybody let him down again and again. Henry is one tough customer!

This weeks food and drink
Beer : 0 (no more official drinking!))
Shots : 4 (I don't give a crap, so I drink at my desk)
Dinner : 0 nights (no more dinners!)
Weight : 185 lbs

DJ quits!

Wow! I was not expecting that one. DJ runs all of our operations across all our geo regions. His crew are crazy but do a swell job, at least when they are not packing on a release night. They all like guns far too much for my liking and I'm from the mid-west.

Never seen somebody with such a big smile. Henry announced his departure at the company meeting, said that he was going to "find himself". Stacy thinks he will continue to write his political blog and may even run for a state seat in the elections in the fall. He's some sort of Libertarian, which when I first heard that I thought he was in favor of people who file books in a Library!

Constantine has taken over Operations in the short term. I think this makes sense, we need to get the Engineers and Ops guys closer together, we have too much of the "throw it over the wall" attitude. If anybody can bring the groups together I think its Constantine, since those guys really respect him.

Looking forward to my first date with geek-babe next week. That is going to be sweet! Is there love in the air? I hope so!

This weeks food and drink
Beer : 0 (no more official drinking!))
Shots : 8 (I don't give a crap, so I drink at my desk)
Dinner : 0 nights (no more dinners!)
Weight : 184 lbs

My brother from a another father!

Henry loves his stories. So we had a company meeting on a Tuesday this week, weird but we often have them because Henry is here. So he introduces Henry, one of the board members. Most people have seen him around and Henry always describes him as his bother from another father. Its a strange way to talk about somebody, but its clear the love they have for each other. Not in a gay way, just the fact they like to hang out, enjoy fine dining and wines and that type of thing. I'm from the mid-west, we like to go down to the bar and have a few cold ones with our close friends and don't do this fine-dining.

Since I have been here we have had several CFO. I guess their challenge has been in keeping up with all the cash they have to count. It must be a tough job given how Henry is closing business development deals and Arnold his VP of Sales is "killing it" (Henry's words). It must be such a drag to come in each day and count dollar bill after dollar bill.

The last CFO lasted, probably six week at best. He was introduced at one company meeting and then was kicked out by the next. Apparently he wanted to trade in our ERP system for Excel and Microsoft Project because they are "industry standards". Henry was pissed because that was not what a pre-IPO company needed, so Can-I-Have-A-Latte-Sir told me, they need Oracle or SAP implemented.

So Henry announces that Henry is the new CFO. Wow! That is super big and important news, we must be so close to announcing our IPO. There have been several successful IPOs in the last few months, I can feel we are close too.

He looked a bit nervous, we are a pretty intimidating bunch. There was a Q&A and somebody asked "As a investor, what do you think of Hank's potential".

What followed was a meandering monologue that in simple terms said we are f**ked. Sure, we may make it if the sun is in the right place, wind behind us and there is a zee in the month. But, its super competitive and we have not shown a dime to the investment community in ten years. Perhaps the best outcome is that we become an IT group at American City Bank Lonely-James said afterward. I think we are aiming too low!

Wow! Henry looked like he was going to explode. I'm sure that's not going to be the last we hear of that.

This weeks food and drink
Beer : 0 (no more official drinking!))
Shots : 9 (I don't give a crap, so I drink at my desk)
Dinner : 0 nights (no more dinners!)
Weight : 183 lbs