They love me not!

Wow. Had my exit interview this week. I had thought that Iron-Mike was one of the good guys, but I now know why he's got that name and why he's one of Henry's favorite henchmen.

So he goes through the normal stuff, why are you leaving, what's your feedback. He gets all close and empathic with me. Hey, he's my friend and he wants to know how I feel so that he can make the company better. I get that vibe.

He gives me my final check, it looks low but I'm trying to read the info about hours worked as he talks. Its tough, he talks a lot. He then slides a form towards me, I need to sign this, I have no choice. I read the check, its missing my vacation pay. So I ask, "dude what gives".

I get the answer, if I sign this for, then I can get the missing vacation pay. What the fuck! I read the form, basically its a gun against my head if I even admit I worked here. I say I need to read this, he tries to strong arm me, the offer only stands right now, if I want the money then sign. I kind of say that I don't think they can do that and make my way back to my desk.

I get home. One of my room mates is a lawyer at some non-profit. She scans the document, always looking super cute in her glasses. She basically says "No f*king way can they do that". Cool. I get into the office the next day, I have three double expressos in 15 minutes.

I get to Iron-Mikes office. He waves me in and closes the door behind me. So I say, "Like dude, you have to give me the money and you can't make me sign that". He then gets super mad, lawyer-this-lawyer-that. I keep on saying that he needs to get me my check. He get more mad. I try to keep calm, but the expresso is working against me.

I say "Like, I can't leave here until you give me the check, I have rent to pay". He answers with a "F*k you, f*king mercenary engineer, who the f**k do you think you are making demands from me?". He pulls open his drawer, lays out his Saturday Night Special on his desk and throws my check across the table. It lands on the floor.

With a "Come on kid, make my day" look I have to choose between picking it up and loosing my focus on his weapon. I choose to leave the check behind, given Henry's history it would probably bounce.

So my new adventure starts next week. Its going to be awesome working at FaceTwit, my geek-Mission-freinds are all super jealous. So long Henry, thanks for the money.

This weeks food and drink
Beer : 2 (celebrating my last week!)
Shots : 18 (celebrating my last week!)
Dinner : 0 nights (no more official eating!)
Weight : 197 lbs

They love me!

Its been a weird week since I gave notice. Can-I-Have-A-Latte-Sir has ignored me, I expected that. I have already been blacklisted from his staff meetings, I expected that. To get made a scapegoat in a public forum, I should have expected that but did not see that coming. I was never a "kiss ass" and that was probably my undoing here, I spoke my mind and while everybody says the culture is "open" and "transparent" that is just a tactic to make it easier to slide the knife in.

Even better news that Geek-Babe came and gave me a big hug and a "stay in touch". I'm sure that she was being nice but It made me feel good. Perhaps things with Beam-Me-Up are not working out and I still have a chance? Probably not!

Some say that my last post was a little harsh on poor old Henry. Sure, but as they say the CEO position is the loneliest in the world. It must suck being Henry, but really is not helped by his over promise, under deliver, make shit up to your face attitude. He's not one to shoot straight, he just uses his SS and Gastapo Lieutenants to do his executions. Be warned of the ones in short skirts, they are the most deadly. Nice to look at by death follows shortly after.

One week left to go and my exit interview with Iron-Mike. Its going to be awesome!

I'm looking forward to FaceTwit, its going to be a bunch of fun!

This weeks food and drink
Beer : 12 (celebrating my job offer!)
Shots : 6 (celebrating my job offer!)
Dinner : 0 nights (no more official eating!)
Weight : 196 lbs

The end!

Shocking news for some of you reading this. It had to come to an end some time, especially since I had put on 42lbs and taken 15 years off my life with all the drinking. I got an amazing offer from FaceTwit this week. They are not just talking about writing the next web story they have already written it and have money to prove it. I could not turn down a pay raise after two cuts here and a chance to work in a cool place with smart people, free lunches and dinners and probably less drinking. I mean, Hank Orange Soda (tm) colored walls are cool, but a company making money using the best technology and looking after their staff, its the way to go dude. And the babes are super cute!

You are too good for Hank Commerce, despite what they may tell you in the interview. It took me time to figure that out, but here's the Cliff Notes.

You get to go home sometimes and have an occasional free weekend away from work interruptions and the emergency pager.

The turnover speaks for itself. Ten years worth of code debt that is impossible to change because you are stuck in emergency escalations because of the same code you can't change. The endless two-weekly release cycle that puts you further in debt because you cannot realistically test the product before the customer test it for you. The customers think the product sucks because its always breaking or running "slowly". They are often right.

If you work for the right manager (there is maybe two of them), then it can be rewarding. All the others will teach you is how to play cut throat island (they know who they are). Cut throat island is a game that involves sucking Henry's dick and pretending that you are doing the right thing for the staff and your co-workers and delivering zero. In fact all you care about is yourself. Take one step forward the Three-Amigos.

Come for the politics, leave for a real position with real growth. Alternatively watch from a far and read the gossip on Glassdoor and TechCrunch and laugh along, you don't actually need to be there. Its more fun than the Daily Show.

Henry should prove to the employees and investors that Hank Commerce is not an elaborate ponzi scheme and start showing some return for 10 years of effort and investment. Cash is always a better marker for viability than "vision". As the character Rod Tidwell said in Jerry Maguire, "show me the money". That's what Can-I-Have-A-Latte-Sir told me and for once he's right about something. There is always a first for anything.

I loved working at Hank Commerce, but I really loved the people I worked with. Glad I have a real job to go to now. Over and out comrades! Viva la revolution! See you on the other side!

This weeks food and drink
Beer : 8 (celebrating my job offer!)
Shots : 20 (celebrating my job offer!)
Dinner : 0 nights (no more official eating!)
Weight : 194 lbs

Moonbeam sucks!

Wow, we are about a month into Moonbeam and its the friggin' same old story. The former Platform team are driving this, so there PM has spent a zillion years talking to the guys over at Moonbeam to figure out what it is and how we fit this into our Pet Transport system. I don't see the fit, but I just work here.

His boss quit a few weeks back so he can't bring out the heavy armor to fight the battles. He's a swell dude, one of those salty sailor types, just don't bend over. He did a brain dump all this week, we are at the stage where the platform services are all laid out, its time to build the Applications. Then lots of brown stuff hits the fan.

I can understand what's going on here. With Franks-Mom promoted to VP there was a vacuum in the Application team. After an arm wrestle, one Dev Manger beat out the other two and got promoted to Director. Sweet. Trouble is that she has to make a friggin' point in every meeting. Yes, we get it, you got promoted and are now very important, but please such the frig up.

So we get through the week, peoples emotions are high. Salty-Sailor makes a peace offering, but instead of graciously taking it, she comes over all "don't patronize me because I'm a woman". Can you lot just get along?

All of this just to automate the shipping of animals when somebody buys a pet online from 1-800-Pets.com. Can't they just go down to the friggin' store?

Oh god, please bring this to an end, I can't take any more.

In other news... well, that would spoil next weeks installment!

This weeks food and drink
Beer : 8 (no more official drinking!)
Shots : 16 (no more official drinking!)
Dinner : 0 nights (no more official eating!)
Weight : 194 lbs