CEO Decoder ring!

The hangover lasted about a week. I got a bunch of emails, most people asking to meet up for beers (can't face that right now), meet up for dinner (that sounds better) and a couple for advice. I can't recommend people to leave Hank Commerce, they have to follow their own path and make their own mind up. My destiny was on another path.

So I have complied my advice into this handy pocket sized CEO decoder ring. I hope it helps if you are still working at Hank Commerce! Drum roll... and in reverse order...

10. "Dude... if you hate this place so much, why are you here?"

Translates to: I wish I knew your name so that I could get HR to fire your ass.

9. "Imagine if you spent as much time fixing what's not broken as you do complaining, we'd all have Aston Martins"

Translates to: I have an Aston Martin, so f**k you

8. "F**k off"

Translate to: Please come into my office, take a seat, play with my miniature zen garden. Joking, f**k off back to where you came from and close the f**king door and take your pink slip with you as you pass HR.

7. "Whoa asshole, that's a lot of baggage you are carrying"

Translates to: Go f**k yourself, I only work with winners. Winners always buy new at the destination site or the hotel shop. I love those monogrammed shirts, do you? Of course you don't you are are looser. F**k off.

6. "Look like an opportunity to me"

Translates to: Wait there a second, I need to find my tub of Vaseline. Joking, f**k off.

5. "I'm surprised that my Gulfstream G650 has not arrived to take me to Nebraska yet"

Translate to: You think you are so f**king funny, you know I only have a Gulfstream G150. Those mother-f**kers from Google jumped the line.

4. "Yes you are right... certainly we are not perfect, not by any measure, but holy shit, what have you done to fix that today?"

Translates to: I hate f**king engineers. I f**king hate people on Visa. Can't we employ one mother-f**king American here? Does anybody speak mother-f**king English?

3. "The management team are really executing"

Translates to: Every f**king time I ask for something, they all think is a "request". Its a f**king order!

2. "Its kinda cool that the stock is at $18 and we haven't even begun to execute yet!"

Translates to: Mother-f**king VC vultures, they just downgraded us again on that last valuation to get a bigger slice of my pie. Mother-f**kers.

1. "Wow, that must be an awesome burden to carry around all that knowledge... how do you do that?"

Translates to: I'm f**king CEO, shut the f*k up you mother-f**ker. Its my f**king money, and I decide what I spend the VCs money on. Is that clear? If I want an Aston Martin, then I'll buy an Aston Martin. If I want a 300 person engineering team, that's what I will get. If I want to rift them down to 75, I can do because I can. I am THE mother-f**king GOD around here.